i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
