I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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