All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
