the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
