He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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