im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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