My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
