omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You are the jesus of drinking
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
