me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
