soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
