you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
