so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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