it was like his penis was on wheels.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
