dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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