; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
