A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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