Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
