i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
