WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
