I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
