I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
