white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I will be naked everywhere
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
