thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
