Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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