You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
