Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
