All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
