I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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