So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
