i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I want her autograph on my taint
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
