Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
