my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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