But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
