dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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