well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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