Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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