epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We had sex on a dog bed..
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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