Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
