I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I think I am morally bankrupt
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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