i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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