found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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