Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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