okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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