every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
