I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
and she was petting her beer can
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
