I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
