He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
