Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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