You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
