She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
