Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
